How to Get Along With Girls

Yes, there is a reciprocal book giving desperate men some clever advice on how to tame and keep a woman.... and, as an extra bonus, I have added photos from the latest photos trip to the Snail House and Madonna Inn to go along with my favorite words of wisdom:

"Observe [women] even casually and what do you find under the most captivating head of curls? A creature with a good many traits akin to male -- capable of intelligence or anger, responsive to flattery, and scared to death of remaining unnoticed."

"It is possible, of course, to be smitten at an early stage.  So much the worse if you are-- it will be harder to maneuver...Learn not to go off the deep end whenever you see an attractive baggage."

"There is no doubt she has a mind and is capable of using it like a man... She knows all about people, science, politics, sex--perhaps even better than you.  You cannot sweep her over with a few boastful remarks -- more likely you will incur her laughter."

"Has she tried to boss you? Maybe you need a boss..."

"Do you want her because she is popular? Don't be a copy cat..."

"Nowadays with girls earning as much or sometimes more than their boyfriends, the "Dutch treat" is altogether permissible.  Before you suggest it, however, be sure of your girl; she must be a good sport."

"Get into the habit of listening sympathetically, of taking an interest in people, even if you have to pretend at first."

"For some peculiar reason, the modern girl detests even the suggestion of a beard."

"Don't let a young girl take more than one drink!  If she gets sick or slopped, you will both regret the night.  She will not forgive you for having seen her at her worst."

"When jostled against a girl in a crowd, tip your hat to say, "I beg your pardon."

"If she asks what you have done, be evasive.  Act busy, make obvious transparent excuses, hint darkly of other entanglements. Give her food for thought.  During this period, you may allow yourself to be seen with other girls.  If possible, pick a rival worthy of her.  Jealousy is a dangerous passion to play with, but having exhausted everything else, you may use it as a last resort....Get her worried."

"Should it appear, after several months, that her superior education puts you to shame, you must catch up to her.  Learn to read."

"Her family may be safely ignored only at the distance of a thousand miles."

"Play the hard-to-get.  Start by staying away for awhile.  Neither come at your accustomed hour, nor telephone, nor write.  Let her wonder what has happened to you."

"Far from being astonished (as they would have us believe) the majority of girls had long anticipated and anxiously awaited the moment.  In many cases, without the man's awareness they had actually maneuvered the proposal and all but put the words into his mouth."

"It is a good idea to have a theme song of your love.  If you cannot sing, hum or whistle the tune.  She will understand." 

"Are you proud to present her to your friends? If not, reconsider..."

"You can get used to an outlandish hat or purple lipstick; you can get used to almost anything.  But if you must make suggestions, be tactful. Use so much sugarcoating that the criticism will hardly show."

"She must lead you on a chase or you will lose interest. This is her principal stratagem.  If you grasp it, you are on the right track!  The next time she starts a game of hide-and-seek when you try to kiss her, do not become confused."

"If all the men in your family became bald early, the chances are you will too. In that case, do not throw your money to quacks, keep your dignity, and develop a philosophical attitude."

"If you are asked to dance with Cousin Betty who giggles and has pimples, dance your feet off."

"Bathe frequently, every day if possible.  Although you may not notice the difference, she will."

"If you feel shy about asking for a date, remember that there are more girls than men; that every girl wants to be popular and "dated"; she hates going out alone or with other girls ; and would rather accompany almost any halfway presentable man than sit home moping."

"Instead of always pursuing the most pursued girl in a crowd, you would do well occasionally to cultivate her plainer sister.  She is likely to prove more grateful and less expensive.  And she will not remain plain very long...The miracle of the ugly duckling takes place every day, and with no greater magic than a man's casual flattery."

"If you are embarrassed by your weight, exercise and diet will probably help you, provided you make the effort. Lacking the will power, you can still improve your appearance with a man's posture belt--they are sold by the hundreds of thousands every year."

"Are you constantly irritated by some small mannerism of hers? You can't be terribly in love."

"If she turns you down, you have no cause to go home and shoot yourself. "

"If you bore easily, the trouble lies with yourself."

"Avoid any prepared speeches--they usually sound lame."

"Whenever you find a woman incomprehensible, you can explain it by her desire to get a man (more important to her than all the careers in the world) and her inability to go after him openly."

"The modern girl has, of course, outstripped grandmother in her performance."

"If she tries to bring it up, seal her lips with a kiss.  It is safer to keep fresh wounds bandaged."

"Do you still think her perfect? You're wrong, of course, but marry her!"

How to Get Along With Boys

Secrets, Advice & Wisdom From the 1940s.

Sitting on a bookshelf in a gift shop in Pismo Beach I found this little book of relationship advice offering ladies a few insider tips on how to find and keep a man... Keep in mind it was originally published in 1945.

A few of my favorite quotations:


"Dates rarely happen.  You must first meet a man and manage to impress him sufficiently to be asked.  Then, if you like, you may affect surprise."

"Obviously you will not meet a man by sitting home.  Circulate where there are men... Keep active and you are bound to meet men.  Do not neglect your girlfriends.  Some of them have brothers; or their boyfriends have friends."

"If you live in a small town where the eligible males are numbered and it is impossible to meet other men, you might prevail upon your family to move to a larger city.  It is not advisable to consider moving to improve your marital opportunities unless you have family there or at least obtain your parents' consent and approval."


"Don't let him get plastered.  If you can't tear him away from the bottle, you might suggest a change of scene.  Failing in that, tell another man in the company to keep an eye on him, or telephone one of his relatives, and leave. You are not obliged to put up with drunkenness."

"If you would get along with real men, you must accept the less-than-perfect and be glad of it."

"Force yourself to remain in company even if you find it distasteful.  Interest yourself in the problems of others...Do not set perfectionist standards, do not be too fussy at first.  The pimply clerk may have a handsome brother, but you will never know unless you cultivate the clerk first."

"Do not ask him to account for his time.  Keep your suspicions to yourself.  Remember, you do not own him.  He has a right to go out with whom he pleases, where he pleases.  He will resent any abridgement of his freedom.  If he wishes to keep her existence secret, it is a sign that you are the favored one."

"Fish bones and fruit pits may be spat into the cupped hand or a spoon -- but unobtrusively."

"Don't test your drinking capacity in public.  If you can't drink, better stick to ginger ale.  The sight of a girl staggering under a "load" will disgust any man."

"Almost every man feels the need for a confidante; it is only necessary to establish that what he says is important, to make him believe he is somebody."

"If your boyfriend requests you to be nice to Aunt Sarah who is grumpy and deaf, be nice if it kills you."

"An ugly nose can be made less prominent with the proper make-up and hat.  But if you would rather be parted with yours, do not bewail your fate; instead, start saving for the plastic surgeon."

"What kind of voice do you have? Is it thin and squeaky?  Do you talk too fast?  Are the words muffled?  Have you any obvious speech defects?..... Tense throat muscles and improper breathing are responsible for most of the bad voices you hear.  Relax. Breathe deeply.  Now try pitching your voice lower.  See if you can't produce a richer tone."

"You can learn much from listening.  Even if no new information or ideas are offered, you can always add to your understanding of people and manners."

"There are some defects, like the loss of a limb, which cannot be remedied.   But have you noticed how many cripples have developed not only extraordinary agility, but extraordinary personalities as well?  Nor do they remain spinsters."

"Sometimes a well-placed hint will get you a date.  If a fellow in your office says he likes to play the piano, suggest that you have a piano in your living room."

If You Can't Stand the Heat....

...Go to the kitchen ....
  1--Soak bath towels in cold water, wring until not completely drenched.
  2-- Fill 2-3 plastic zip lock bags with ice cubes.
  3--Go back to bed and drape yourself in wet towels.
  4--Place bags of ice on top of towels.
  5--Position fan so that it is blowing directly at you.
  5-- Rotate one ice bag from behind your neck to on top of your head every 5 minutes or so.


And that's how my Monday night went...  The thermometer in Los Angeles measured 113 degrees....before it broke.  Who knows how hot it really got down there.   All I know is that on my way home from work at 6:00pm the car thermometer measured 104.  We decided to take advantage of the unusually warm weather and so we went to a friend's house to have some beers outside in shorts and tank tops.  I think that was the only time I have ever been hot at night in Santa Barbara.  At midnight it was still 98 degrees.  It was windy, which you would think would be a relief, but this oven wind felt more like a fire breathing dragon. And so we had our 2 days of summer.  The rest of the summer has been mildly cool and usually cloudy. Today was back in the 70s.

And that's all for the weather folks.  No other news to report here.

Lady Madonna, Your Rooms are Oh So Neat!

For 4 years I've been saying I wanted to go to the Madonna Inn.  We drive past it on the 101 every time we drive up to the snail house or to San Francisco.  It's a couple hours north of Santa Barbara and something about it always caught my eye. .. maybe because it is decorated white and pink, located in the middle of no where,  and called the "Madonna" Inn.  It has to be cool!  I mentioned my desire to go there to a friend and found out it was way more awesome than I could have expected.  Everything is decorated pink or very colorful.  Huge boulders were used from the local landscape to build  rock walls, fireplaces, showers, even waterfall urinals out of stone.  The most exciting part is that all 110 of the hotel rooms are decorated with a different theme...  I mentioned the Madonna Inn to my snail house friend, Sally, and we booked our reservations.

Here are a select viewing of my favorites but to see more check out the Madonna Inn website.  Pick out your favorite room and make your reservations to come visit!  WARNING: you can view a picture of almost every single room.  This is super-addicting so make sure you allocate enough time to view them all!

The KrazyDaisy was the room my friend had stayed in and was my first glimpse of how awesome this places is:

The Krazy Daisy

The Romance Room

The Madonna Suite

Vous- part of the Ren-De-Vous room series

The Caveman Room

 And the room we ended up staying in.... THE OLD MILL...

The Old Mill

 ...complete with functioning waterfall powered mill wheel and cuckoo clock type statues that moved around in circles through the structures above the bed.  The green wall paper was super-sparkly and the toilet seat was warm (it was strange).


Here's what the steakhouse looks like where we had dinner Saturday night:  All the booths, chairs, table clothes etc. were bright pink.  I was in heaven...

Stay tuned... more photos to come!

If Facebook Existed Years Ago...

Disclaimer: Pardon the fowl language and any religious offenses...