Sh*t My Grandma Says

Justin Halpern, the author of Sh*t My Dad Says got the idea to write the book when he was in his late 20's, his girlfriend broke up with him, and he had to move back in with his parents. His dad says some pretty funny quotes and Justin started putting them up as away messages on his instant messanger.  His friend encouraged him to start a Twitter account about it and it became so popular that overnight Justin was getting offers to write a book, go on interviews, and now CBS is even preparing to do a sitcom about it.  The book is pretty entertaining but I really hope they don't ruin his idea with a crappy sitcom.

Regardless, this is my tribute page to his book... imitation is the highest form of flattery...

Sh*t my Grandma says:

On reading through the college graduation newsletter and looking at other family's heartfelt and proud messages to their sons and daughters:
"Hey Mare, why didn't you put an ad in here for Julie so I could vomit all over it!"

On overhearing my sisters, mom, and uncle chatting about how bad we feel for Britney Spears, and how far she's fallen off the deep end and that hopefully she gets some much needed help before things get worse:
"Britney Spears is a filthy tramp who dances around in her underwear!"

On female track & field athletes:
"The poor girls have no bosoms....Well I guess that helps them run faster."

On over-hearing me say "us," "we," and "our" too often when talking about where I live:
"I don't ask a lot of questions, but I hear EVERYTHING..."

Sitting in a Brooklyn park watching the birds....
On seeing a sparrow land on the table in front of her on a hot summer day:
"Hello you dumb little sparrow."
On seeing the sparrow then fly under the table:
"Look at that, you're not so dumb after all! You just wanted some shade."

Same Brooklyn park, same hot day....
On seeing an albino pigeon pecking the ground for food amidst a crowd of normal colored pigeons:
"Oh Mare, look at that pretty white bird in the middle of all those dark pigeons. Isn't that funny?! Even the birds here have integrated!"

Updated:
On looking at my senior prom picture:
"I've seen nicer pictures of Julie."





Love you Grandma!