Sunday, April 22, 2012

Bored Games

Sometimes when I'm bored I'll go on craigslist and see what other people are up to... see what jobs are available, see what people are giving away for free, and most entertaining: checking out the "strictly platonic" and "missed connections" sections.

The following made it into my "these-make-me-feel-better-about-myself" category:

"Hello All! How pathetic is this; 10 O'clock on a Friday night trying to find people to hang out with. I'm fun-loving, smart, and I love to enjoy laugh and live life to its fullest. If I had a guitar I would write a ballad about how awesomely cool I am ;) I love sports, animals, movies, music, reading detective fiction novels. I also enjoy a good tearjerker such as Where the Fern Grows. For a while I told people that my Grandmother died as an excuse for my puffy eyes. I'd love to met up for a drink or a quick bite to eat."

"Yeah so I'm in my last year of college and know pretty much everyone by now (small school). I have great friends but am just bored with the same old same old, looking for someone new in my life to stir things up. Super busy with school/work so I haven't really had many chances to meet new people the past couple months, nor will I the next few months! Not looking to hookup really want someone I can more hang out and do things with! a little about me- I rock climb, I like photography and cars, I get bored easily, and I laugh a lot, even if its at my own expense!

"Do you have the kind of job that bores you as much as you can stand? Would someone to talk to, via email or text, to flirt with to get to know better, during the day make your work day more enjoyable? Would your day go faster with someone to talk to. It doesn't matter if you're single or not, just be female and open to conversation and maybe we can help each other be less bored at work."

"I have a lot of bad days, so if you'd like to sit with me while I cry and watch Community (and maybe have chocolate and popcorn w/o butter) plz get in touch thanks in advance."

"I am looking for someone who would like to share their accommodations for tonight. I am very tired and have been waiting for a place to stay but so far I havn't gotten one. All I need is a couch.
Thank you... :)"

Hmmm, who should I contact first!?

Friday, April 20, 2012

The Therapeutic Effects of Junkyard Jewels

Date:  April 20, 2012

Patient Name:  Erickson, Julie

Sex: F

Age: 28y/o

Symptoms:   Patient reports rapid heart beat experienced daily when first arousing from slumber. Heart palpitations are secondary to the unwillingness to get out of bed in the morning,  an inability to focus on anything other than negative feelings towards her job, and an overall lack of happiness in her professional endeavors.   Patient has been maintaining her condition for some time now with the regulated use of denial, alcohol, and the comic relief of her partner to suppress most of her symptoms.   Recently,  an unanticipated outburst of sobbing has motivated patient to seek medical attention.*

Diagnosis:  Work-induced anxiety disorder with moderate to severe impairment of otherwise superb social personality traits.

Prognosis:  If left untreated, a borderline benign infection of this nature can and will develop into metastatic disease with symptoms radiating in to not just professional but also personal life: friends, family, relationships, social life. In this case, the transition is already becoming apparent.  Temporary separation from the source of anxiety may cause some relief of patient symptoms, however long term separation is recommended to fully alleviate all pathological indications.

Doctor's orders:
  • Long Term Prescription: New Job
  • Short Term Prescription: Mental Health Day  

Now, what better way to take care of your mental health than with a little retail therapy?  I love buying other people's junk!

Today's therapeutic purchases:

Insert Monster here

Frames and Mirrors...because you never know when they might come in handy...

Boxes...again, see reasoning for "Frames and Mirrors:"

Picture of sailors playing poker:

Picture of a Grandma dressed up like a clown with a Koala bear giving her a hug:
Inscription on the back:  An Original Granny ..."All you need is love"
 An embroidered apron:
With the tags still on..looks like it is from Russia or Turkey

A pimpin' 80's sweater with neon red lingerie bloomers:
Helz yes!

 And my retail therapy purchase from last weekend which makes me instantly happy just looking at it:
Betsy J. in the house

 And super cool leather booties:

I love LOVE love thrift store how to turn that into a full time job?

Maybe it's time to open up an online store.  I don't really know where to put all this junk I just bought anyway....

*Note: I did not actually seek professional medical attention.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Your Q&A for the day

What gives you anxiety?

If you could do anything right now what would you do?
Get lost on a long bike ride to the beach during high tide with this guy

 What is one thing that makes you happy?
Watching friends marry friends

Who is your last friend to come for a visit:
Laura!  Raritan HS '01!

If you had to guess which one of these guys bought underwear from K-mart...wore it, then returned it...who would you guess? 
Hmmm...tough call
What is the last foreign country you visited:
What is your favorite Canadian Lego sculpture:


What is the farthest you've ever run in 30 degree weather?
about 9 miles

Why would you ever go to Canada?
To show off my scientific skills

 What was your favorite part about Canada?

The hotel changes the rugs in the elevator everyday.

Who was the last celebrity you have run into?
Jack Hanna...Orlando-bound!
 If you had to guess which sister would have a personalized Bruce Springsteen 30th birthday shirt and large limo magnet that matched her wedding part colors and who would you guess?
Nancy Pants
 Did they let you in the limo?
heck yea, they couldn't keep me out!
 Is that water in your cup?

Who's the Boss?

What's the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?
something about their teeth...

How many sisters do you have?

 Who has two arms and loves hugs?
these guys

 What do married couples do for fun?
lounge in the sun
 Can you guess what this says?
Does it help if I told you it was Mike's birthday this weekend as well?

Do you know anyone who has ever won the lottery?
YES!  My dad's friends, Joe and Celeste, won $40 million in the NJ Powerball last month!!!

What was the first thing you did when you found out?
  •  I bought myself a Mega millions ticket!... I didn't win...but it was fun to dream for a few days.

What would you do if you did win?...
  • Buy a new couch
  • Pay someone to move the old couch out of the apartment
  • Buy an airstream trailer and a Volkswagen bus
  • Renovate the VW bus
  • Attach the airstream trailer to the VW bus
  • Fill the VW bus with weird science stuff:...brains...taxidermy animals...siamese twin fetuses...etc.
  • Start a traveling museum
  • Open a thrift store

What is your favorite part about jury duty?
The courthouse!  and the 2 days off work.

If you had an afternoon all to yourself where would you go? 
The Museum of Natural History

Oh hi!

nightmare material

What was the most interesting thing you learned there?
That Northern Fulmars, these cliff-nesting birds, can projectile vomit fishy oil up to ten feet.  The puke can be lethal to predators who can loose heat rapidly and die from exposure once their feathers or fur is oiled.  I really applaud the taxidermist's job at accurately capturing the heave-hoe vomit stance and making the vomit so life-like....How can I get that job?

What is your favorite thing to paint?

  • Pictures of me and Trevor.... children... middle-agers...

...and in the afterlife.

What is one of your favorite past times?

White Russians in good company
What first comes to mind when you see this video:

  1. I want to quit my job, buy a trailer, and sell antiques at the side of the road more than ever. 
  2. I am going to have nightmares about Giant Earthworms and Japanese Spider Crabs.
  3. I love science.  Maybe I should be a teacher...

Monday, April 9, 2012

Ich Liebe Blogging

Oh farfrombloggin, how this last month has tortured me.....  "Where have I been" might you ask? ...around... around the globe, around my cubicle, festering around, whining around, taxing around (not a phrase),  traveling around.. Traveling for work..glorious or grievous?  How about, awful?!  That's right... I give it one big Overrated.

Germany.  Even though it was cloudy and rainy everyday in Scotland, there was still something "sunny" about it...the old architecture...the boisterous people...the cozy pubs...the occasional rainbow...  Germany was also cloudy and rainy but there was something a little cold and gray about the place.... oh right, that would probably be me.... cold, old, tired, gray .... my hair for one literally sprouting gray shoots left and right from work-induced anxiety, coupled with my cold and lonely mood...depresssssssing....Where are my friends?  Why am I here?  When can I go home? I miss my bed...

I felt slightly more comfortable working in Scotland where questions were asked and conversations flowed, work-related or personal.  I didn't have to think too much about what I was saying.   On the contrary, in Germany, once I was finished talking, no one had any questions or comments or concerns or cares...OKkkk.....mooooving onnnnnn.....  I am going to puke all day long....

My former boss one told me I was "as cool as a cucumber" when I told her I was freaking out just thinking about having to go on sales trips.    If by "cool as a cucumber" she meant shaky and paranoid as a scrawny little chihuahua that overdosed on coffee and skittles.... then I would say, yep, that's exactly how I feel...a perfect mix between Ren (from him and Stimpy) and that little crackhead rabbit from the Mad Hatter's tea party in Alice in Wonderland...yes that is me to a tea.

I did find some interesting things in Germany. The city I was working in sported a Statue-of-Liberty inspired tribute to Hercules with accompanying dried up waterfall:


I also visited a night in Frankfurt:
Town Square

Bridge with locks of love
Debit and Credit... the twin towers of Frankfurt's financial district

Frankfurt's Botanical Gardens...gorgeous!

One highlight of the trip was the opportunity to hang out with the famous Robert Becker:


The other highlight was stumbling upon German children's book about sex, love, and babies. Written and illustrated by the children themselves.  Thank you Google translate for the slightly inaccurate translations.  It never gets old....

Translation:  To feed needs a bosom wife.

Translation: At birth the baby receives the first time around on the wrong world.

Translation: To make the baby is already quite an effort, the female.

Translation:  If that is making a lot of sex's twins.

Translation: Most babies do nothing.  But maybe a little pee pee.

Translation:  Babies come with bald to weld.

Translation:  When my little sister crying saying daddy, get the mom or grandma!

Translation:  Without sex, we were extinct like the dinosaurs.