Wednesday, May 25, 2011

ADD: Accumulation of Disorganized Daydreams

I'm out of ideas....  Nothing all too exciting is going on in my life this week.  I didn't meet any celebrities, or attend any weddings, or have any exceptionally awkward or funny experiences to chat about.  I did keep myself moderately entertained by re-reading some notes I had taken over the past year.  Some are clips of a story, some are phrases or short sentences, some are just a couple words...These notes were to eventually turn into blog posts.  They each reminded me of something funny or interesting, but they always stayed on the back burner for lack of a way to make them appealing to others.  They still are not all that entertaining even to me.  But it's a Wednesday.  I'm tired.  You're bored.  Everyone's standards are a bit lower.  So here they are...thoughts that were never meant to come to life...

Iran, Israel and Denmark the only countries without separation of church and state.

Liquorish with ammonium chloride, do no feed to children.

Some days I just wish I had a kitten...

Yesterday Trevor decided to go on a little outing to try to find the zoological museum.

To make it easier for people to understand me I have been making a conscious effort to speak clearly, slowly, and simply, using small sentances, with obvious subjects and verbs and not a lot of mumbo jumbo.

Today I died a little.

I left work at 7:45p, couldn't remember if my phone was 5 min fast or 5min slow. I decide I probably missed the bus and figure I'll walk a couple stops to the train station. Never been there before. Always meant to look it up. Never did. Bus flies by me. Oh well, I will "explore." I figure I will just follow the signs for the train and check out the new scenery on the way. I have no where important to be. I don't see any signs past the first one so I continue to follow the bike path. I follow it to the road and follow the road through this industrial abandoned area. Have been walking for half an hour, parallel to the tracks, but no sign of the station. Something is wrong. I decide to go one more block. Still nothing. Finally decide to turn back in a hurry. It's almost 9pm and getting dark. Call Trevor. Back at the bike path entrance I notice a sign for the train station pointing the opposite direction of where I came from! The sign is obviously visible coming from this direction, but I would have had to turn around if I were to see it coming from the other way. I never noticed it. Get to the train station. I don't bother looking up what stop I'm at, for some reason I figured I needed to head south. The right train comes, I get on it, read the sign, realize it's going north, tell myself its the wrong train, get off it, wait 20 min for the actual wrong train, get on the wrong train going the wrong direction. Luckily I notice after the first couple stops what I've done and get off, wait 5 minutes for the right train, and head back in the right direction. I get to the downtown stop and the train is stopped for way tooo long. An annoucnement comes on that I dont undertsand but I stay put. 15 minutes later and still not moving I re-read the sign and the train schedule has turned around and is headed back towards the wrong direction. I run off, get to another track and get on a different train. I wait 10 minutes then head home.......It is10:15pm.  It is pouring rain. This is the only night in Denmark that I had McDonald's for dinner.

It was in the newspaper the other day that a band stopped traffic on a LA highway by parking their bus perpendicular to traffic to have a jam session.  I can assure you that if I owned a gun and was a few cars back in traffic, I would likely be in jail.

Last night, I fell asleep watching Pee-Wee's Big Adventure.  Last night I also had the wildest dreams...I was in a big huge bath tub...there was a floating flower pot...with a Venus fly trap in it..soil was dripping out the bottom and the fly trap was trying to bite me...there was a little yippy pink haired yorkie puppy.  I was trying to catch it but it was too elusive...

I ate a bag of gummy bears for breakfast.

I have exceptionally long, dangly, easily tangled toes and narrow feet

Well let me tell you about the first time I saw Trevor fall... It was this past Saturday morning around 10:30 am.  It's raining..been raining for days.  Slightly chilly.  Trevor is tired.... his eyes are bright red.. he's moving pretty slowly...he is exceptionally hung over.  He's spent the night at his girlfriend's co-worker's house curled up on his futon.  He's wearing the same clothes he wore the night before which just happens to be...... an elf outfit....

This guy sitting next to me on a plane is telling me a story about his ex-girlfriend's daughter's friend who is 16 and texting this grown man about her period problems.  Barf.  What is wrong with people?

Wednesday mornings are always rough because Tuesday night is garbage night.  Every other Wednesday is especially bad because it's recycling day.

One time I was making turkey surprise and Trevor smashed a glass plate in it.  It was an accident.  I tried to revive it by frantically picking out the glass, but Trevor said "Julie....we can't eat this."  I threw it out.  Luckily I shopped at Costco that day.

Did I ever tell you about the one time I got the meat sweats and projectile vomitted in a San Francisco hotel bathroom at 5am when my mom was with me?

My mom used to sniff my breath while I slept.

My co-worker took a picture  of my iphone cover to show his gay friend who likes to be-dazzle things.  My iphone is covered in rhinestones. 

As Gwen says, I have a lot of Jewels, and that's why they call me Jewel-ey

I signed up to sing Country Roads in karaoke. It was awful.  I cut myself off.  The DJ said that was the first time someone cut themselves off. 

What's the matter with kids today?  Trevor wanted to play soccer and this little girl would not leave us alone.  I was in such a bad mood.  Trevor said sorry for waking me up from my nap.  I said sorry for being a child-hater.

previous frisbee experience with strange kids in park, we ended up giving them our frisbee

One of Trevor's proudest accomplishments in life was killing the roaches in that live in the dishwasher....  The bugs are back...

Butterscrotch is dead or kidnapped and locked inside the neighbor's house.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Teancious B (for Bloggin)

Ahh, the wedding's over.  And in the words of my Grandma Rita, "Weddings are even more fun than funerals!"  Grandma, your words of wisdom are always so true.

I finally feel like I am no longer sleep deprived.  And I am excited to get back to normal blogging.  I've been singing in my head  "I wanna blog with you... alllll you in to the sunrise..I wanna blog with you alll night, blog the night awaaaay.." to the tune of Michael Jackson.

Trevor just poked his head in the room and said "Are you bloggin again?"

I said "yes"

He said "Ya know if you ever write a blog about being cut you could call it 'hemabloggin.'  That one just came to me."

Ahh a day in my life....

A week or so ago was another day in my life, when I walked into a bar for a friend's birthday and down at the end of the bar I see Jack Black.  I'm waiting on line for the loo and when I get into the bathroom I frantically text Trevor that he'll never guess who's here.  The next few moments are fuzzy. At some point I left the bathroom and find myself face to face with Kyle Gass, Jack's buddy, who I uncontrollably proceed to tell that I love him and especially his role in  hmmm name a song?.....a movie.... hmmmm  ...uhhh "BUTT BABIES!!!"

Yes, butt babies was the only Tenaious D reference that came to mind... a video where Jack and Kyle are dressed in diapers wandering around in the dessert on LSD.  They then realize that it's not LSD they're on, but EPT (the error proof test) and that they are in fact pregnant, with butt babies, which they then deliver.  Disturbing, I know.  Trevor introduced me to it.  But in my freak-out moment I believe my knowledge of this short perverted skit gave me a lot of street cred.

When Trevor walked into the bar and saw me hanging out with Jack Black and Kyle Gass he nearly had his own butt babies...

Friday, May 20, 2011

Your Friday Treat

 More Wedding Photos!!

I'm helping!

Jessie forgot to look up

Mike is ready to go

I learned all my dance moves from my Godfather

Wedding smiles!

Salamander & Buttercup

The morning after...